Editorial tweaks.
authorIan Jacobs <ij@w3.org>
Tue, 31 Mar 2015 13:20:56 -0500
changeset 673 c8e28ce9cd76
parent 672 25703f9684c8
child 674 44ae6e19e237
Editorial tweaks.

(Through 6.2.1 Credentials)
latest/use-cases/index.html
--- a/latest/use-cases/index.html	Tue Mar 31 12:53:11 2015 -0500
+++ b/latest/use-cases/index.html	Tue Mar 31 13:20:56 2015 -0500
@@ -800,7 +800,7 @@
           <dt>Mobile</dt>
           <dd>
 Daniel takes a taxi from the airport to his hotel. The taxi driver
-displays the total with his mobile device and uses a tap-to-pay option.
+displays the total with his mobile device and offers a tap-to-pay option.
           </dd>
           <dt>Goals</dt>
           <dd>
@@ -814,8 +814,8 @@
           </dd>
           <dt>Exceptions</dt>
           <dd>
-No mobile phone connectivity (visiting a different country, taxi stops
-out of range of a mobile network, etc.)
+No mobile phone connectivity (visiting a different country, trip occurs
+outside the range of a mobile network, etc.)
           </dd>
         </dl>
 
@@ -823,8 +823,7 @@
           <dt>Freemium</dt>
           <dd>
 Ricki plays his favorite native app game and wants to upgrade his avatar
-with a few extra power ups. Clicking on a power-up displays the price of
-the power up.
+with a few extra "power-ups." Clicking on a power-up displays the price.
           </dd>
           <dt>Goals</dt>
           <dd>
@@ -854,9 +853,8 @@
             </dd>
             <dt>Motivation</dt>
             <dd>
-Initiating a payment from inside an email application that is unified with
-the way the same payment is initiated at the Point of Sale or via the Web
-would help ensure the ubiquity of the Web payment technology platform.
+	      Unifying how people initiate payments from
+email, at a Point of Sale, and via a Web site will help ensure the ubiquity of the Web payment technology platform.
             </dd>
             <dt>Privacy / Security</dt>
             <dd>
@@ -877,9 +875,8 @@
             </dd>
             <dt>Motivation</dt>
             <dd>
-Not all <a>transaction</a>s are designed to be followed through on. Some are
-merely there to protect the <a>payee</a> in the event of bad judgement on behalf
-of the <a>payer</a>.
+By design, some <a>transactions</a> do not reach completion. Some are
+merely there to protect the <a>payee</a> (e.g., in the event of questionable judgment by the <a>payer</a>).
             </dd>
             <dt>Exceptions</dt>
             <dd>
@@ -909,15 +906,11 @@
 delivered.
             </dd>
             <dt>Privacy</dt>
-            <dd>
-Small fuel  <a title="purchase">purchases</a> should be able to be performed
-without violating an individual's privacy.
+            <dd>Due to the sensitivity of location data, individuals
+	      should be able to make small fuel <a title="purchase">purchases</a> in a way that respects their privacy.
             </dd>
             <dt>Security</dt>
-            <dd>
-The in-vehicle application should require a second factor of authentication
-before allowing any  <a title="purchase">purchases</a> to be initiated by
-the vehicle.
+            <dd>Automated <a title="purchase">purchases</a> (e.g,. by a vehicle) should involve increased security (e.g., a second factor of authentication).
             </dd>
           </dl>
 
@@ -959,7 +952,7 @@
             <dt>Motivation</dt>
             <dd>
 The ability to express a non-repudiable offer as the basis of a legally
-enforceable contract will reduce <a>transaction</a>al friction.
+enforceable contract will reduce <a>transaction</a> friction.
             </dd>
           </dl>
 
@@ -978,18 +971,17 @@
             </dd>
             <dt>Motivation</dt>
             <dd>
-There is a fairly large trial-ware industry that could benefit if there
-was a simple way of executing a payment w/o being re-directed to a website
-to create an account and enter all your credit card details.
+There is a fairly large trial-ware industry that could benefit from 
+a simple way of executing a payment without requiring redirection
+to another site to enter account and payment details.
             </dd>
           </dl>
 
           <dl class="dl-horizontal">
             <dt>In-vehicle</dt>
             <dd>
-Jeff listens to a lot of music on the way to work. His car radio is configured
-to enable him to buy music that he really likes by providing a digital offer
-along with the music stream.
+Jeff listens to a lot of music on the way to work. The music station serves a digital offer along with the music stream. This enables Jeff to 
+easily buy music that he really likes. 
             </dd>
             <dt>Goals</dt>
             <dd>
@@ -1005,10 +997,9 @@
             </dd>
             <dt>Accessibility</dt>
             <dd>
-It is important that the interface used to interact with the digital offer
-does not distract the driver of the vehicle. For example, the use of
-voice controls is preferred over a visual interface that requires the driver
-to look away from the road.
+For safety reasons, the interface used to interact with the digital offer
+must not distract the driver of the vehicle. Voice controls and other
+techniques can be used to reduce driver distraction.
             </dd>
           </dl>
 
@@ -1029,21 +1020,19 @@
 another entity) in order to be cleared to make a purchase:
             <ul>
               <li>
-PharmCo will not sell regulated drugs to you unless you send proof that you
-have an active pharmacists license.
+PharmCo will only sell regulated drugs to someone with proof 
+of an active pharmacist's license.
               </li>
               <li>
-WineCo will not let you ship wine to your home unless you send proof that you
-are over the age of 21.
+WineCo will only sell wine to someone with proof of being over the age of 21.
               </li>
               <li>
-BoomCo will not ship industrial explosives to your business unless you
-send your construction permits, contractors license, and explosives handling
-license to the site.
+BoomCo will only ship industrial explosives to a business that can
+provide evidence of construction permits, a contractor's license, and an explosives handling license.
               </li>
               <li>
-HomeLoanCo will not finalize a quote for a home mortgage until you provide
-them with a credit score report and an audited finances report.
+HomeLoanCo will not finalize a quote for a home mortgage without
+a credit score report and an audited finances report.
               </li>
             </ul>
           </dd>
@@ -1065,14 +1054,10 @@
 processes.
           </dd>
           <dt>Privacy / Security</dt>
-          <dd>
-The credential recipient must be in control of when and how the credential
-is shared at all times.
-          </dd>
+          <dd>It is important that people retain control over when
+	    and how their credentials are shared.</dd>
           <dt>Exceptions</dt>
-          <dd>
-If a required credential isn't available, the <a>transaction</a> is not
-allowed to proceed.
+          <dd>A <a>transaction</a> may fail if a required credential is not available.
           </dd>
         </dl>