Merge pull request #5 from dlongley/section-1-fixes
authorManu Sporny <msporny@digitalbazaar.com>
Mon, 30 Mar 2015 11:31:28 -0400
changeset 95 fe32ffa73051
parent 93 05252df7165f (current diff)
parent 94 d20801801d13 (diff)
child 116 acabcc29e003
Merge pull request #5 from dlongley/section-1-fixes

Various grammar fixes; some rewording for clarity or flow.
--- a/latest/use-cases/index.html	Mon Mar 30 01:17:53 2015 -0400
+++ b/latest/use-cases/index.html	Mon Mar 30 11:31:28 2015 -0400
@@ -141,7 +141,7 @@
     </p>
   <p>
 The Web Payments IG has only had the opportunity to review a handful of the
-40+ use cases, 120+ requirements, and hundreds of pages of
+40+ use cases, 120+ requirements, hundreds of pages of
 payments research submitted to the group via various other standards group
 output such as ISO20022, research documents from X9 and the US Federal Reserve,
 documents from the Web Payments Community Group, and input from the
@@ -155,7 +155,7 @@
     <h2>Introduction</h2>
 
     <p>
-ECommerce is thriving and continues to expand. However
+ECommerce is thriving and continues to expand. However,
 fragmentation of payment systems is limiting the growth potential
 as are problems &mdash; both real and perceived &mdash; such as
 fraud and usability.
@@ -187,30 +187,29 @@
     <section>
       <h3>Why This Work is Important</h3>
       <p>
-There are many people around the world that today's financial system does not
-reach. These people are called the world's unbanked (or underbanked). The
-unbanked often live pay cheque to pay cheque, do not have access to savings
-accounts or low-fee cheque cashing services, lines of credit, or a way of saving
-for their future. Being unable to plan for one's financial future often results
-in a focus on the short-term, which creates a vicious cycle of not being able to
-escape one's situation. Not being able to participate in the financial system
-creates unintended inequities that create waste and results in a net loss
-for society.
+The Web Payments work is not just about making payments easier, faster,
+more secure, and more innovative. There are many people around the world that
+today's financial system does not reach. These people are called the world's
+unbanked (or underbanked). The unbanked often live pay cheque to pay cheque, do
+not have access to savings accounts or low-fee cheque cashing services, lines
+of credit, or a way of saving for their future. Being unable to plan for one's
+financial future often results in a focus on the short-term, which creates a
+vicious cycle of not being able to escape one's situation. Not being able to
+participate in the financial system creates unintended inequities that create
+waste and result in a net loss for society.
       </p>
       <p>
 However, some of the shortcomings of today's financial system could be
 addressed via technological improvements. For example, there is a considerable
 overlap between the unbanked and underbanked population and access to advanced
-mobile phones and the Web. If financial services could be provided via the
-Web in a standardized way to people with mobile phones, we could start to see
-an improvement in the financial health of these individuals and families.
+mobile phones and the Web. By providing financial services to people with
+mobile phones in a standardized way via the Web, we could see an improvement
+in the financial health of these individuals and their families.
       </p>
       <p>
-The Web Payments work is not just about making payments easier, faster,
-more secure, and more innovative. Extending the current financial system to
-reach further helps an ever increasing number of people plan for their future,
-focus on the long-term, and thus contributes to a greater net gain
-for society.
+Extending the current financial system to reach further helps an ever
+increasing number of people plan for their future, focus on the long-term, and
+thus contributes to a greater net gain for society.
       </p>
     </section>
 
@@ -289,12 +288,13 @@
       </p>
 
       <p class="note">
-All character names, and some organization and product names, appearing in
-this document are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead,
-or organizations and products is purely coincidental. Some organizations,
+All character names appearing in this document are fictitious. Any resemblance
+to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Some organizations,
 products, and services appearing in this document are real and are included
-purely for pedagogic purposes and don't imply endorsement or approval of
-the Web Payments work in any way, shape, or form.
+purely for pedagogic purposes and don't imply endorsement or approval of the
+Web Payments work in any way, shape, or form. For all other organizations,
+products, or services appearing in this document, any resemblance to real
+entities is purely coincidental.
       </p>
 
     </section>