--- a/paq/provenance-access.html	Thu Nov 10 11:24:44 2011 +0000
+++ b/paq/provenance-access.html	Thu Nov 10 11:46:13 2011 +0000
@@ -533,29 +533,25 @@
         This section proposes use of SPARQL queries to address requirements that are not covered by the simple retrieval and discovery services proposed above. 
       </p>
       <p>
-        There are circumstances where simply identifying and retrieving provenance information as a web resource may not best fit the requirements of a particular application or service, e.g.:
+        Simply identifying and retrieving provenance information as a web resource may not always meet the requirements of a particular application or service, e.g.:
         <ul>
           <li>the entity for which provenance information is required is not identified by a known URI</li>
           <li>the provenance information for an entity is not directly identified by a known URI</li>
-          <li>provenance information for an entity is sufficiently large or complex that it is not desirable or useful to retrieve it all in a single operation</li>
-          <li>provenance information for a number of distinct but related entities is required to be accessed in a single atomic operation</li>
+          <li>a requirement to access provenance information for a number of distinct but related entities in a single atomic operation</li>
           <li><i>etc.</i></li>
         </ul>
       </p>
       <p>
-        For such circumstances, a provenance query service provides an alternative way to access provenance information and/or Provenance-URIs.
+        A provenance query service provides an alternative way to access provenance information and/or Provenance-URIs.  An application will need a provenance query service URI, and some relevant information about the entity whose provenance is to be accessed.
       </p>
       <p>
-        We assume that the requesting application has the URI of a provenance query service, and some information about the resource for which provenance information is required that can be used as the basis for a query.  A query service is potentially a very general capability that can, in principle, subsume the provenance discovery service described in <a href="#provenance-discovery-service" class="sectionRef"></a>, but which may be more complex to deploy and use for simple provenance discovery cases..
-      </p>
-      <p>
-        The details of a provenance query service is an implementation choice, to be agreed between provider and users of the service, but for ease of interoperability between different providers and users we recommend use of SPARQL [[RDF-SPARQL-PROTOCOL]] [[RDF-SPARQL-QUERY]].  The query service URI would then be the URI of a SPARQL endpoint  (or, to use the SPARQL specification language, a <a href="http://www.w3.org/TR/rdf-sparql-protocol/#conformant-sparql-protocol-service">SPARQL protocol service</a>).  A query service can potentially be used in many different ways, limited only by the available information and capabilities of the SPARQL query language; the following subsections provide examples for what are considered to be some plausible common scenarios.
+        The details of a provenance query service is an implementation choice, but for interoperability between different providers and users we recommend use of SPARQL [[RDF-SPARQL-PROTOCOL]] [[RDF-SPARQL-QUERY]].  The query service URI would then be the URI of a SPARQL endpoint  (or, to use the SPARQL specification language, a <a href="http://www.w3.org/TR/rdf-sparql-protocol/#conformant-sparql-protocol-service">SPARQL protocol service</a>).  The following subsections provide examples for what are considered to be some plausible common scenarios for using SPARQL, and are not intended to cover all possibilities.
       </p>
 
       <section>
         <h2>Find provenance-URI given entity-URI of resource</h2>
         <p>
-          If the requester has an entity-URI for the original resource, they might simply issue a simple SPARQL query for the URI(s) of any associated provenance information; e.g., if the original resource has a entity-URI <code>http://example.org/resource</code>, 
+          If the requester has an <a class="internalDFN">entity-URI</a>, a simple SPARQL query may be used to return the correpsonding <a class="internalDFN">provenance-URI</a>. E.g., if the original resource has a entity-URI <code>http://example.org/resource</code>, 
           <code>
             <pre class="example">
               @prefix prov: &lt;@@TBD&gt;