--- a/model/working-copy/towards-wd4.html	Tue Feb 14 05:54:35 2012 +0000
+++ b/model/working-copy/towards-wd4.html	Tue Feb 14 09:25:09 2012 +0000
@@ -1667,14 +1667,17 @@
 <section id="term-Revision">
 <h3>Revision</h3>
 
-<p> A <dfn title="dfn-Revision">revision relation</dfn> is a particular case of  <a href="#Derivation-Relation">derivation</a> that states that an entity is a revised version of another. The agent who is responsible for making the revision may optionally be specified.</p>
+<p> A <dfn title="dfn-Revision">revision</dfn> is the result of revising an entity into a revised version.
+ Deciding whether something is made available as a revision of something else usually involves an agent who takes responsibility for approving that the former is a due variant of the latter.
+ The agent who is responsible for the revision may optionally be specified.
+ Revision is a particular case of  <a href="#Derivation-Relation">derivation</a> of an entity into its revised version.</p>
 
 <p> A revision relation<span class="withAsn">, written <span class="name">wasRevisionOf(id,e2,e1,ag,attrs)</span> in PROV-ASN,</span> contains:</p>
 <ul>
 <li><em>id</em>: an OPTIONAL identifier for the relation;</li> 
 <li><em>newer</em>: the identifier of the revised  entity;
 <li><em>older</em>: the identifier of the older entity;
-<li><em>responsibility</em>: an OPTIONAL  identifier for the agent who approved that newer entity is a variant of the older;
+<li><em>responsibility</em>: an OPTIONAL  identifier for the agent who approved the newer entity as a variant of the older;
 <li><em>attributes</em>: an OPTIONAL set of attribute-value pairs to further describe the properties of this relation.</li>
 </ul>
 
@@ -1790,8 +1793,8 @@
 <section id="term-traceability">
 <h3>Traceability</h3>
 
-<p> A <dfn title="dfn-Traceability">traceability relation</dfn> between two entities  <span class="name">e2</span> and  <span class="name">e1</span> states a generic dependency of <span class="name">e2</span>
-on  <span class="name">e1</span>. Such dependency may indicate either that <span class="name">e1</span> was necessary for <span class="name">e2</span> to be created, or that <span class="name">e1</span> bears 
+<p> A <dfn title="dfn-Traceability">traceability relation</dfn> between two entities  <span class="name">e2</span> and  <span class="name">e1</span> is a generic dependency of <span class="name">e2</span>
+on  <span class="name">e1</span> that indicates either that <span class="name">e1</span> was necessary for <span class="name">e2</span> to be created, or that <span class="name">e1</span> bears 
 some responsibility for  <span class="name">e2</span>'s existence.