--- a/model/working-copy/towards-wd4.html	Sun Feb 05 12:53:43 2012 +0000
+++ b/model/working-copy/towards-wd4.html	Sun Feb 05 20:55:25 2012 +0000
@@ -11,7 +11,7 @@
 <!-- PM -->
     <style type="text/css">
       .note { font-size:small; margin-left:50px }
-     </style>
+     </style> #succ(M,N).
 
     <script src="http://dev.w3.org/2009/dap/ReSpec.js/js/respec.js" class="remove"></script> 
     <script src="http://www.w3.org/2007/OWL/toggles.js" class="remove"></script> 
@@ -219,7 +219,6 @@
  preparation activity, but itself can have a provenance record that
  states who its vendor is.</p>
 
-
 </section>
 
 
@@ -242,9 +241,17 @@
 publication of a new version of a document, and the complete sending
 of a value on a communication channel. </p>
 
+  <div class="note"> PM Not sure the very last one is pertinent?</div>
+
 <p>Usage examples include a procedure beginning to consume a parameter, a service starting to read a value on a port, a program beginning to read a configuration
 file, or the point at which an ingredient, such as eggs, is being added in a baking activity. Usage may entirely consume an entity (e.g. eggs are not longer available after being added to
 the mix), or leave it as such, ready for further uses (e.g. a file on a file system can be read indefinitely).</p>
+
+    <div class="note"> PM The egg example may be confusing: one expects to have some construct to distinguish between use-and-consume and use-without-consuming. Consider replacing with:<br/>
+in general the same entity may be used multiple times, possibly by different activities
+    </div>
+
+    
 </div>
 
 <p>Activities are consumers of entities and producers of entities. In some case, the consumption of entity influences the creation of another in some way. This notion is captured by derivations, defined as follows.</p>
@@ -255,6 +262,8 @@
 <div class="anexample" id="derivation-example">
 <p>Examples of derivation include the transformation of a canvas into a painting, the transportation of a person from London to New York, the transformation of a relational table into a
 linked data set, and the melting of ice into water.</p>
+
+  <div class="note">didn't we agree to steer clear of corner cases? the second and last examples invite questions that we don't want to answer at this stage</div>
 </div>
 
 </section>
@@ -277,7 +286,8 @@
 instructions for a micro-processor execution.</p>
 </div>
 
-<p>Collection (TODO)</p>
+<p>The <dfn id="collection">Collection</dfn> type is used to represent entities that have internal structure. PROV-DM defines provenance constructs for a very general type of collection, namely a set of key-value pairs (referred to as a <em>map</em> or, in some programming languages, a <em>dictionary</em> or <em>associative array</em>). This can be used to describe other collection types, including for example nested ordered lists. The definition of such more specific types is out of the scope of PROV-DM.
+</p>
 
 <p>Three types of agents are recognized by PROV-DM because they are commonly encountered in application making data and documents available on the Web: persons, software agents, and organizations.</p>
 
@@ -310,6 +320,7 @@
 <p>Examples of association between an activity and agent include designing, participation, initiation and termination, timetabling or sponsoring. </p>
 </div>
 
+<div class="note">paragraph below to be moved above, where plans are first mentioned?</div>
 <p>Provenance reflects activities that have occurred.  In some  
 cases, those activities reflect the execution of a plan that was  
 designed in advance to guide the execution.  PROV-DM allows attaching  
@@ -337,10 +348,13 @@
       
 <h3>Record</h3>
 
-<p>This specification introduced <a>provenance</a> as a set of records
+<div class="note"> not sure from here onwards this is all consistent? why are "things in the world" surfacing again. At the very top these are now entities. Having introdued entities and activities (and agents), can we just say ... "a set of constructs to describe the provenance of entities, in terms of relationships to other entities as well as to activities and agents".
+<br/> I find "A PROV-DN <dfn id="dfn-Record">record</dfn> is a body of information about something which is of interest from a provenance viewpoint." very roundabout once again.</div>
+  
+<p>This specification introduces <a>provenance</a> as a set of records
 describing the people, institutions, entities, and activities,
 involved in producing, influencing, or delivering a piece of data or a
-thing in the world. PROV-DM is a data model defining the structure and
+thing in the world. PROV-DM is a data model for defining the structure and
 meaning of such records.</p>
 
 
@@ -368,6 +382,8 @@
 <a>account record</a>.
 </a>
 
+<div class="note">Account again?</div>
+
 
 <p>
 Furthermore,  PROV-DM includes a "house-keeping construct", a record container,